Reading Challenge

This week I had something happen that was completely unexpected. I kinda freaked out. Not in a weird way, just continuing to realize that some wounds are not fully healed.

I don't think I can really pinpoint the beginning of this wound. It is possible that I've blocked it out. In any case, I've been participating/attending a book club with eight ladies that was started by my friend Angela for about four months. We meet once a month to discuss the book chosen and the person who chooses the book also hosts it at their place. Last month everyone decided that I should be the next to choose. With some trepidation, I found a book that I liked and was also more like a story (I generally lean toward books that support my interest/job such as psychology, parenting, children, marriage, etc.) and others would enjoy as well.

Tuesday was the day that was set aside, but Sunday...I started freaking out. I started having flaskbacks of all the times I planned get-togethers and waited and nobody showed up. My brain attempted to convince me that this would again be the case. It would say things like "we lost a few more members last time and this time NONE of them will come". You know, those happy supportive voices we all get sometimes? I became very close to a lot of things, especially cancelling the whole thing or switching dates or something else equally unreasonable and drastic.

Stress was had. Tears were shed. I was very sure that I would again be left waiting. Maybe because nobody liked the book or didn't want to read it. Maybe because they couldn't find the secret door to get to our apartment (it confuses many, I promise). Either way, I put as little effort into it as possible so I wouldn't have (again) worked on a great thing and then nobody show up. David was more optimistic than I was (a rarity) while also braced to pick up any pieces that might drop if nobody showed.

I checked the door more times than I'd like to admit. Paced the hall. Sat on the couch. Became quite close to twiddling thumbs. I promise that the knock made my heart skip a beat. It was a great night and I had fun. There were more things I was able to learn about the ladies through the discussion and (thankfully) Henley didn't wake from all the chatter. A success in my book.

Either way, I'm still glad that we take turns and I won't have to choose again for another six or seven months! *whew*