The Best Thoughts Are Shower Thoughts

In a perfect world, I would reflect daily on how I was doing, where I needed to improve, and where I was succeeding. A daily check-in of sorts. My world is not perfect, but there are days where I am able to have a new thought.

It was a pretty weird process how my thoughts went last night. I have a dentist appointment today, so while showering I was being extra thorough in regard to my oral hygiene (it's totally normal to brush in the shower, right?). I realized that the mouthwash was not in the shower and I would have to get out to get it. For half a second I considered calling David in to get it for me (because he's nice like that) but I stopped myself because, for some reason, I didn't want him to know I was using it.

This awareness brought an entire train of thought that deserves exploring. A barrage of memories overflowed my mind in regard to my doing something positive for myself...and then someone questioning it. It was as though, every time I did something to care for myself whether it was going to the gym, curling my hair, losing weight, reading my scriptures, dressing up for school, I was met with what a teenager might compare to the Spanish Inquisition!

In all these memories I did something to enhance my appearance or my physical state and someone of significance would inquire as to why I was doing this particular thing. Then, they would not accept my answer and create their own explanation for it that was embarrasing and inaccurate. This would often deter me from doing any of these things openly. I'd wear makeup if I wasn't going to see anyone I knew. Or just to mess around in my apartment, when I lived alone. I'd curl my hair because I was bored, but not for any other reason and certainly not for anyone to see.

My poor aunts tried their hardest. I was a plain, low-maintenance girl that primarily dressed in t-shirts and jeans. I remember more than one day in which I went to their homes after school and was met with a bag of beauty products, ordered to shower and then got my very own make-over only to have my peers at school question about the special occasion or scoff at my ineffective efforts to improve myself.

It seems that somewhere in my world I learned that there has to be a reason for EVERYTHING and that reason has to be one that will be accepted by whoever is inquiring. There are times I have changed the answer because it is going to be accepted more than the real reason. I don't want to seem ridiculous or emotional or something such as that.

I think the hardest thing is changing while people are watching. If I lived alone, it would be easy to shift habits or try new routines. The thing that seems to get in my way is because I do not have a good answer for why the change. It is often something in relation to a prompting, mood shift, or because on a certain day I believe that I deserve to look nice.

I found a new motivator last night though. I have a daughter (for those of you who missed that announcement a couple years ago) and around her current age is when she starts copying me and watching to see how I care for myself. She needs to see me taking care of myself because I am a daughter of Heavenly Father. Not because I have a special occasion or I'm trying to show off, but because I want her to care for herself for herself and nobody else.

As the old Cover Girl slogan would say "Because I'm Worth It!" and we all are!