Just a Thought or two

I encounter a lot of people that make and have made a lot of mistakes. Part of my responsibility is to keep my own emotions out of therapeutic situations. This is difficult because, when working with children, you have to be genuine, sincere and they have to believe that you care about them and understand them in order to get anywhere. To add to the difficulty, many parents send their children to therapy so I can "fix" them and make little or no effort to change the environment that strongly impacts a child's attitude and behavior.

I really enjoyed my time in grad school. The classmates and professers are/were great. I sometimes forget that "people do the best they can with what they know" and forget to ask the question "what makes this make sense?" Instead, I get emotionally involved and judge the parents based on their shortcomings instead of identifying and encouraging their strengths. I try not to openly do this, but my mind (usually at the end of the day) is less forgiving of continued stagnation in negative habits.

There have been some times, when I have learned the entire story, that I feel humbled and ask for forgiveness for my quick-to-judge flaw that happens. This is a skill I continue to have to learn. When I was younger, I tried to put myself in a person's shoes before snapping to anger or frustration. Someone would cut me off on the highway and I would create a story of them rushing to the hospital because a family member was in an emergency. I talked myself out of being angry, believing that no person would intentionally behave in such a risky manner or treat someone poorly.

I still try to do that with my clients. The trouble is, if I try to understand the child, it is more difficult to empathize with the parent(s) instead of try to see both sides for both. There are a few clients where the parents are involved, connected and concerned. Some of these have turned out to be manipulative and deceiving. So very frustrating when trying to help a client and I am being blocked from knowing the story or circumstances.

Overall, there is a great benefit in remembering that every person was not raised as I was. Not every person had the Gospel to help them gain perspective and understand that there is a Plan for all of us. Not every person has had experiences that taught them compassion and empathy. I don't profess to remember all these things all the time, but it's quite amazing how the events and trials in my life, and the lives of those I love, have helped me grow and be more understanding of those that might offend me (if I allow it). Usually, people's hurtful/unhealthy behavior has absolutely nothing to do with me and a whole lot to do with their struggle to learn and grow from their own trials and life events. I feel quite blessed to have been provided multiple opportunities in my life that allow me to understand and empathize with most of my clients. I just hope that last percentage of time that I forget, that I miss, is increased just a little bit more so I can be more effective with clients and in my own life.

There is always something that needs to change in our lives...but it is rare that we actually take that step when we notice it the first time. In my line of work, there is a lot of blame and very little ownership. I know that I have a list, very long, of things that I would like to be different. I whined about my failing health, but would still "forget" recommendations from my doctor on a daily basis. I knew they needed to happen, but was unwilling to make the change.

When meeting with a 10 year-old last week, trying to set a goal, she told me that her goal was to prioritize her life (not her words, but in fishing for the word, that's what she meant) so that she could make the right choices and stay on the right path. How many of us have that as an unspoken or spoken goal. Choosing between the important things and the non important, or even between two important things. Should I do the dishes or give Henley attention (Henley always wins)? Should I do the dishes or watch TV online? Should I sleep 10 minutes longer and skip breakfast or get out of bed and scramble some eggs? Every part of every day is a weighing of things most important. I tend to forget or avoid the important things.

I know that this is a bit of a roundabout monologue, but I just needed to remind myself that the important things are important for a reason. Whether that is helping someone, parent or child, feel understood; being compassionate and empathetic; choosing the best thing; or just supporting other people in their time of struggle. All these are things that help us in the long run. We may think that our time is better spent elsewhere, but that's just Satan trying to convince you that you can't make a difference in someone else's life. And we all know that's a lie.