The Law of the Harvest

I have been working with kids for a long time. I did a shabby job of nannying about 13 years ago and again 11 years ago. It seems kids have followed me around ever since. I distinctly recall an incident when I had a large box in my bedroom and my nieces were wanting to "play" with it. I had a purpose for the box and did not want it ruined so I squelched their efforts to be imaginative and adventurous. My sister basically told me to loosen up. I was obviously not ready for kids at that point.

During my graduate work, it seemed that all my internships were with kids. Adolescent substane abuse counseling, in-school counseling and the acute and residential children's psychiatric hospital. I thought it a little odd, but just went with the flow.

I can only surmise that I am the "Child and Family Specialist" because of my work with children. I hardly feel that I have earned the title. I'm no more special than anyone else.

Because of my history, first as a child and now as a specialist with children, I tend to analyze parenting skills, methods, beliefs, etc. I see several parenting choices on a daily basis. Some are revelations and some I watch in disbelief. I'm quite adept at listing mistakes parents make, by my own evaluation.

Yesterday I was in the grocery store and a thought came to my mind regarding protecting our children. There are some parents who are permissive: they let their kids do anything and really have no boundaries or consequences in place. From what I know...it is important to provide a choice, inform the child of the consequence and then allow them to choose. If they choose something that warrants a consequence then the parent must follow through with the consequence.

Finding a balance between these two is something I'm trying to do now so that when the issue arises, it's already been decided. Being on the same page with David is important as well. There are kids here that are LDS, but their parents will only let them "play" with other LDS kids. Personally, I disagree with that. Not that I'm going to let my kids go hang out with any person without checking them out first, but there are good people that aren't LDS and there are some really...liberal... LDS people, as I've learned.

Another thing is school. David is pulling for home-schooling (at least last time I checked). I have my pros and cons of both.

I tend to follow Dory's philosophy that you can't make sure nothing happens to your kids (see Finding Nemo). The best way is to guide them through the disagreeable things so they are prepared for the future. If Henley never plays with kids who do things she doesn't like, her expectations for life will be really skewed and she will be unprepared. If she is never annoyed by someone, she will not learn to respond appropriately. If she never has a friend that believes differently than she, she will never know how to overcome differences and love others in spite of the differences.

I meet a lot of parents who do not realize how their behavior affects their children. I'm sure there are things I do that will negatively affect Henley (which is one reason I'm thinking about it) and have no idea. Kids are work and we have to invest things in them that take time and energy. I was reading something a few weeks back that said "you can't cram on the farm". It's the same way with kids. You can't give your kids all kinds of freedoms and have no relationship with them and then when they're teens try to enforce several rules. It's a little late for that.

Of course, again, this is the goal and likely not the result. Check with me again in a few years and remind me what I'm "supposed" to be doing. I'm sure I'll get off track. I really need to start planting seeds now. Anyone have any tips of things to plant now? at 8 months?