Mental Health Day

Some days I need a mental health day. Just a day lost in my own thoughts and feelings and exhaustion to feel emotionally productive. Some days emotionally productive includes physically productive tasks. In therapy yesterday with a teenage client, he was commenting on how the worst part of his week was that he had to clean the bathroom and wait an hour before his aunt cleared the bathroom to her standard so he could go out with friends. I then attempted to reflect upon the last time I cleaned the bathroom, any bathroom, and I felt a little embarrassed regarding my laziness.

I grew up in a different world than I live in now. I grew up surrounded by noise and suffered withdrawals if it was "too quiet". Now, I savor the quiet and sometimes regret the selfish shushing aimed at a princess that seems to have a vocabulary that does not stop, even when attempting to complete one sentence in an adult direction. My old world was filled with exploration or introspection, some may consider those synonyms. As a child, my siblings and I would find all kinds of trouble. We would sneak out of the bedroom using our ladder-backed chair and explore the neighborhood with friends (unbeknownst to our parents). We would get sent to our rooms for acting up at dinner and sit on the top shelf of the closet in shared hiding from our captors. We explored the hill behind the house that led down to the lake, always returning with scratches and bruises as evidence of our adventures. We explored our grandparents' land, goat shed, and creek. I explored the State Capitol and the National Archives and the adjoining parks. Seeking and finding every nook and cranny of the Capitol building with no boundaries and confidence that this was "my" territory. Eventually the adventures and exploration turned inward. What did I feel? Why did I feel it? How will this affect that? Who is to blame? Who isn't to blame? and a variety of questions most adolescents stumble upon regardless of intent.

My exploration is less than in used to be. Sometimes because there are other, more "important" things, sometimes because it is work and takes energy and I avoid it. A few weeks ago, I figured out one of my questions that I didn't even realize I'd been asking for the past 24 years. My entire perspective shifted and I became free from the burden of the years. It was the result of a perfect storm of reading an amazing book club book (my pick), having a great discussion about the book, attending therapy for myself, and having an awesome supervisor that helps me sort through things without knowing he is helping.

The best way to improve our lives is to explore ourselves, our thoughts, actions, and behaviors, and see how we are getting in our own way. What do we ignore for the sake of less important things? What do we spend our time doing that is really...insignificant? How can we contribute better to those around us?

And it is days like that which I realize maybe I am still an explorer, even if I don't take as many Mental Health Days as I think I need.