Ambivalence

Last week we had a General Staff Meeting that included training about Motivational Interviewing. This is one of those evidence-based practices we have been encouraged to use. I took an online class specific to this dynamic when I first started here. The purpose is to help the client sort out ambivalence in regard to specific changes they have considered making, but haven't yet.

I think most of us find ourselves ambivalent on a variety of levels. Specifically during this time of year when there are talks of resolutions and resolve to do better. The other day David asked me about my resolution for the year. I am not a resolution maker. Better said, I don't believe in waiting until a certain day to change. If I need to change in October, why wait until January? This doesn't mean that I'm amazing at making the changes as soon as they need to be made.

Even more difficult is making those changes when it is much easier to stay the same. I tend to not fight, insist, impose, or whatever for my opinion in a variety of circumstances (working on getting better, I promise). If there is an opinion, whether majority, or just more strongly spoken, I will often remove myself from the voting pool. Horrible, I know. This becomes a particularly difficult problem when I might need to...parent.

For example, anyone that knew me about five years ago would have been very aware of my opinions about video and computer games. I even wrote my addictions paper in one of my classes about video game addiction. Part of the reason I haven't been a fan is because I know how it sucks me away from the more important things in life. This doesn't mean that I'm perfect about it. It is even more difficult with new technologies like Android phones and tablets. Just because I don't have a joystick attached to it, doesn't mean it isn't a distraction.

In any case, as the result of having two very technological parents, poor Henley has really gotten the short end of the stick. The number of moments we have appeased her with David's DS or my tablet are enough to produce a sense of shame from within. The time this most often happened was bedtime routine. I hated it, but it was a way to get cooperation without investing much. There have been many nights in which I sincerely wanted the process to be different, but my ambivalence mixed with the fact that I wasn't the only parent at the party often made the night end with the least desired result.

This weekend it was just Henley and I flying solo. Friday night it was a fight. I laid in bed while she screamed for what felt like hours for "Daddy game". "I neeeeeeeed it" and other such requests were thrown against my bedroom door with her fists. It was heartbreaking, but much easier to leave her alone with my massively huge headache. Saturday night, there was no fight. We laid down together and she was nice and kind and drifted off well. By the time Sunday night came she knew the answer, tried to ask Daddy, but there was no give. We are now on night four of being on a better bedtime routine with a noticeable reduction in several negative behaviors that were driving me nuts.

It is difficult to remember that the fights for things that are important are much easier at this age than at age, say, 16. I suppose I need to resolve a lot more of my own ambivalence if I'm going to get her appropriately brainwashed before that age. Wish me luck.